Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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