Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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