Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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