apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
