you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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