found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
