I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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