Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize