I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
