Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
