how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
