Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
