I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
