don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
