She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize