Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
thus making me awesome and them whores
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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