I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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