im drinking this country out of the recession.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
