so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
