Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
