dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
