I have demons in me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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