he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
