Christians are straight up FREAKS
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
