I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
