I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who died my cat blue again?
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