I'm going to jail i love you
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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