Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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