I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
