So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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