she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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