She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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