halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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