**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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