Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
