watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
