dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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