Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize