I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
