ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
