Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
