you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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