i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
