that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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