I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
