I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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