wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
