While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
