She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
