I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
