My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
