I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
