I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
