At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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