Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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