Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
