So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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