I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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