man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drake has all the answers
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
