Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no, he came in my armpit
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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