Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
