My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
