Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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