I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
