ya dads aren't the best wingmen
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
