somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
