I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
