WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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