Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
