I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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