I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
