Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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