R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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