How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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