This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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