Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
