I think I died a long time ago.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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