My room smells like vodka and shame
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
