Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
