I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
