guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
