im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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