It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
do nipples grow back?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
