My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
