I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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