I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
