After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
