he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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