so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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