There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made him laugh his dick is mine
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Verdict: uncircumcised.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
