You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
