I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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