she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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