Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
