sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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