i just wanna soil my oats bro
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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