PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
