U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
