Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
