I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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