absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
