Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
