We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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