I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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