the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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