as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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