no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
