Yo dont text me then not text me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
