dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize