I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
